Dophin and Octopus: Criticals

Back in the days of Google+ I used to write up news stories involving certain sea creatures as if they were playing an RPG.  I'm digging them out of the archive for a second outing.  May include harm to animals.

GM: You see a sea creature approaching
Octopus: I make a knowledge nature check.
GM: You recognise it as a pilot whale, but it looks a bit small.  Probably a juvenile.
Dolphin: Not a killer whale then?
Octopus: No, not a killer whale.  It is a kind of dolphin though.
Dolphin: A dolphin? I'm gonna make friends!
Octopus: Again? <facetentacle>
Dolphin: I'm gonna give it a hug!
Octopus: You can't do that, Dolphin.
Dolphin: Why not?  You're always hugging things.
Octopus: I have tentacles!  All you have is flippers.
Dolphin: I'll hug it with my mouth!
GM: Make an attack role.
Dolphin: <rolls dice> Natural twenty.  Oops.
GM: Here's a card for the critical.
Dolphin: It says 'Mangled fin."
Octopus: There's a card for that?
GM: I picked up a special critical deck for cetaceans after what happened last time.
Octopus: Good call.
Dolphin: <rolls dice> Oh god, max damage as well.
GM: The pilot whale makes its roll versus stranding. <rolls dice> Failed.
Dolphin: Hey, Octopus, you've got the "Walking" feat!  You can go and bring it back, right?
Octopus: Have you seen my strenth stat?  That thing's bigger than you!
Dolphin: I've killed it, haven't I?
GM: Make a luck roll.
Dolphin: <rolls dice> Seventy-three.
GM: <consults table> OK, the pilot whale is found by humans.
Dolphin: Hooray!
GM: Who mercy kill it.
Dolphin: <cries>

Dolphins suspected in whale attack off Skye - BBC News