I decided to keep concentrating on the one thing I could fix: the state of my kitchen. Not only was everything in the wrong place, but there were also several pounds of butter in the freezer that I definitely didn't order because it wasn't the usual brand. I may not be a diviner but I can see a lot of roux in my future.
Things were pretty much back to normal when I heard a knock at the door. It was Klaus, wearing the standard famous person hat and sunglasses disguise. He had a favour to ask Fiona. Apparently the Order of St Bede have a secret Templar archive hidden under St Mary Redcliffe, possible inside a ghost realm, and he wanted us to recover it. He also wanted to know if there was anywhere in Bristol he could get an authentic goulash. Fiona had a few suggestions. I said I'd give it a shot if he had a recipe.
The fact Klaus was asking us for help rather than just sending in his own people suggested something was up, but Fiona was already practically salivating at the prospect of a Templar archive. She was going to need help. It was going to have to be Topher's help though. I really needed to see Amelia, and after showing Fiona the note, she understood why I had to go. That and she was talking about catacombs, and I'm sure she realised that the mere idea of heading into the caves behind the pub was making me start to freak out.
I sent an entirely innocuous text to Amelia, saying that it was nice to see her the other night and it would be good to meet up again. As soon as I got a positive response I shoved that stupid Merlin signet ring in my pocket and took the bus to the observatory.
I wasn't sure where to go when I got there, but that's when fucking Percy showed up. The last person I wanted to see, but it was inevitable really. He invited me to take a short walk, and while I struggled with some conflicting emotions, he told me that I didn't need the sunglasses. He knew everything, and was genuinely impressed that I taught myself shapeshifting. And it was just gratifying enought to hear one of those smug Council bastards acknowledge that I don't need their lessons that I decided I could put up with him for a little while. For Amelia's sake.
He suggested I put on the signet ring at that point. I asked him why, and I think the disgust was obvious on my face. He didn't answer. He'd got me to let my guard down for a moment, but no, same old fucking Percy as ever.
We walked down to the Coronation Tap. There was some Council minion loitering outside, who might almost have got away with it if he hadn't teamed up his hoodie with a pair of Armani shoes. Even Percy called him out on that, while I just laughed at him. Inside the pub, the barman was practically tugging his forelock at the sight of Percy. I don't think you could pay Fiona enough to make her behave like that.
I wasn't particularly surprised to find myself faced with a hole in the floor much like the one under the Cornubia. Trouble was, this time the hole was a lot tighter, and I didn't have the reassuring presence of Topher and Fiona with me. Just Percy, asking if I was the one who had trouble with this sort of thing. I managed some kind of retort but my heart wasn't in it. I just had to steel myself for it, and stay calm. For Amelia.
Percy went down first. I followed. About halfway down the smell of the place hit me. Bitter ash, worse than I'd ever smelt it before, with undertones of sulphur and vomit. I clung white knuckled to the rope, shut my eyes, and held my breath. I had to do this. For Amelia.
It was crowded down there, but I could see Amelia amongst them, plus some extremely aristocratic woman that I didn't recognise, but who seemed to be important. The vault was full of detailed carvings, but not like the ones under the Cornubia. These ones seemed warped and unsettling. Percy asked if I'd ever seen anything as beautiful, and I automatically responded that I'd seen better. He asked me what I saw. Just like being back in class.
Four figures stood at the cardinal points. A king with antlers and a spear. Facing him, a large shadowy figure of a cyclops. A woman, also wearing antlers, holding a lyre. And a woman in black feathers, covered in gore, with black eyes. I could name them. An-daghai. Balor. Boann. Morrigan. He wanted me to identify the battle depicted in the carvings. I didn't know, so he told me. The battle of the hill. Or possibly the battle in heaven.
Something weird happened then. The posh woman started yelling at some guy, and two others approached him, and for a moment I thought he was going to get a beating. And then they backed off.
I asked Percy why I was there, as clearly it wasn't just for a mythology test. He said he wanted Amelia and me to do some research into the Formori and Tuatha. He also showed me a black sphere in the middle and asked me what I thought. Having seen something quite similar pulled out of the Cornubia vault by Fiona, I had no intention of telling him what I thought, and asked him what he thought it was. A ward. A big one, that was going to make him famous, and he wanted me to investigate it for him.
Yeah, I know that one. Student does the work, professor gets the credit. Except I'm not his student any more. I kept that thought to myself, and he asked Amelia to show me out.
There was an Indian girl outside, who I'd seen before at the pub. She still had the slightly wonky eyes people sometimes get after a run-in with Firs, but now there was something different. She looked cruel. Amelia grabbed me and pulled me into the toilets. She'd seen that look before. It was something that happened to everyone after being down in the vault for a while. I remembered the other vault, and all the people slowing freezing in there. Rather the opposite here. And they stopped being able to smell that awful stench after a while as well.
There was no way I wanted either of us spending any more time down there. We needed an excuse to be elsewhere, and the research we'd been asked to do seemed like a good one. There were no books down there. Amelia suggested using the Merlinian archives. She was surprised I'd actually shown up though. I was confused. She'd sent a note. Of course I showed up. She hugged me then, and as I hugged her back, I realised she might not understand that it was Dee College and the Council I left. Not her. But it wasn't the time for that conversation. We arranged to meet up again in the morning.
Next on the list was dealing with the deluge of texts and missed calls on my phone. It would be nice to see the boggarts again. I took the bus to Troopers Hill, stopping off for more bread and honey. There was a large sign up in the shop about shoplifters and a very angry looking guy behind the counter. So they were definitely still in the area.
I found their fairy ring under a gorse bush, made my standard speech offering bread and honey in exchange for safe passage both in and out, and was treated to a brief fight between the three of them over who was going to invite me in. Inside the place looked like a goddam palace. They were all sitting on fancy chairs drinking from china teacups. They offered me tea, which I of course declined.
They told me how happy they were that I'd volunteered to be the new seneschal. I had to tell them that I didn't volunteer, which made them so unhappy that one started crying, so I gave him a hug while I asked about the job I'd been dumped into. It seemed it was like being a fae noble, in that you were responsible for helping and protecting members of the court, but the Steamwheel court didn't have any nobles, so you didn't get any of the benefits of fae nobility. The previous seneschal was a bit of a bastard, they told me. I asked who it was, and they didn't want to say, although honestly at this point I didn't need to ask. I suggested they draw him instead, and they drew me a picture of Firs. I agreed that he was a bastard. How did he manage to stick me with this job without me agreeing to it? Apparently giving him my phone number, and him carving it into his arm, was enough.
I took a few moments to think about all the things I would like to do to Firs.
One of the boggarts was acting a bit strange, being more aggressive than usual in wanting to be the one to show me around their home, so I nudged another and asked what was up. He insisted his brother was fine, but then escorted me back out of their realm and explained that he'd been affected by the Sandman who sleeps under the city. He was the one who'd been making their old burrow hot, and now the other two boggarts were afraid he was doing something to their brother. I made some non-committal expressions as you don't go promising things to the fae lightly, but I really did want to help. One of them actually gave back the purse he'd stolen without me having to ask for it. Something was really wrong.
I checked my phone again, and I now had multiple voicemails from Denis the troll, and given how much he seemed to want to eat people, I had to check that one out. I got the bus back into town, running through everything I knew about trolls on the way there, and paid him a visit under his bridge. He didn't seem to be engaging in the traditional troll role of maintaining the bridge in exchange for tribute, since the city council were handling that, but it seemed best not to mention that.
Denis was understandably upset that people were throwing things into the river, and showed me some assorted rubbish. He also mentioned liquids, and I'm very grateful that he couldn't fish them out of the river again. His proposed solution was to eat someone so that people would be scared and not do it again. I know humans well enough to know that as well as being an unacceptable solution, this wouldn't actually stop people throwing things in the river. We came up with a solution though. When people threw things in, he should return them to them. This was only right and proper. I shook his enormous hand and went back to the pub.
The trip into the caves had clearly been a success, as Fiona had a huge stack of books with her, but both of them smelt of grave dirt. They'd obviously had a bit of an adventure. But before they could properly fill me in on all of that, there came another phone call. This time it was Damien. Celia was missing.
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