Dolphin and Octopus: Seduction

GM: A beautiful female octopus is at the entrance to the den.
Dolphin: Oh!  Oh!  You should try to seduce her!
Octopus: Are you sure?  You know I don't have your charisma bonus, right?
Dolphin: It'll be fine.
Octopus: Well, if you're sure.  I change colour to something pretty and offer her a nice shell.
GM: Go for it.
Octopus: <rolls dice> Oh no.
GM: Critical fumble?  OK, she scoops up a tentacle of silt and throws it at you.  Roll to dodge.
Octopus: <rolls dice> Ow!  I try to flee.
GM: She throws more silt.
Octopus: <rolls dice> And again!  Dolphin, this is all your fault!

Female octopuses throw things at males that are harassing them https://t.co/QQsv0r6Fdq

— New Scientist (@newscientist) September 1, 2021

Dolphin and Octopus: Ride

And just like that, fate gives me a brand new episode...

GM: It's a moray eel.
Dolphin: Oh no!  Those can kill you in one bite!
Octopus: I don't want to fight that!  Wait...can I grapple it?
GM: Bonus per tentacle.  Go for it.
Octopus: <rolls dice> Critical success!  I grab onto the back of its head so I'm out of reach of its mouth.
GM: It thrashes about, trying to shake you off.  Make a ride check.
Octopus: Oh dear, I really didn't think this through.  No ranks in ride...wait, my per tentacle bonus applies to ride as well.  <rolls dice>  Hell yeah!
GM: <sighs> You effortlessly ride the moray.  Now what?
Octopus: I'm going to have to get away somehow.
Dolphin: How about your jet propulsion feat?
Octopus: Perfect!  And I can add my ink cloud ability to that as a free action to prevent the moray's attack of opportunity and gain a stealth bonus as I escape.
Dolphin: <singing> When you learn you can ride and your ink lets you hide, that's a moray.
GM: I hate you both.

Incredible footage of an octopus riding a moray eel to avoid its attack and then escaping in a cloud of ink. https://t.co/0Wt7vTMpIn pic.twitter.com/tOZooQcZBr

— Wonder of Science (@wonderofscience) September 1, 2020

Dolphin and Octopus: Exotic Weapon Proficiency

Back in the days of Google+ I used to write up news stories involving certain sea creatures as if they were playing an RPG. Since its demise I've written one more of these...

GM: So your new level gets you an exotic weapon proficiency. What are you going to take?
Octopus: Jellyfish.
GM: ...
Octopus: The damage isn't very good but the poison save is horrific.

The first account of a scientist getting slapped by a jellyfish-wielding octopus occurred in the prestigious journal Science in 1963 when a young blanket octopus used a man-o-war to sting the author, resulting in the paper below. https://t.co/HqTnI9hfwa pic.twitter.com/oh2aaLjvtJ

— Open Ocean Exploration (@RebeccaRHelm) June 18, 2020

GM: I could argue that that's a siphonophore, not a jelly, but fine. Dolphin, have you picked your new perform skill yet? Dolphin? Dolphin!
Dolphin: Oh, uh, yeah, uh, I pick jellyfish.
GM: You weren't paying attention, were you?
Dolphin: I was!
GM: So you really want a perfom skill of jellyfish?
Dolphin: Yes! Yes...I'm...I'm going to juggle them.

Dophin and Octopus: Criticals

Back in the days of Google+ I used to write up news stories involving certain sea creatures as if they were playing an RPG.  I'm digging them out of the archive for a second outing.  May include harm to animals.

GM: You see a sea creature approaching
Octopus: I make a knowledge nature check.
GM: You recognise it as a pilot whale, but it looks a bit small.  Probably a juvenile.
Dolphin: Not a killer whale then?
Octopus: No, not a killer whale.  It is a kind of dolphin though.
Dolphin: A dolphin? I'm gonna make friends!
Octopus: Again? <facetentacle>
Dolphin: I'm gonna give it a hug!
Octopus: You can't do that, Dolphin.
Dolphin: Why not?  You're always hugging things.
Octopus: I have tentacles!  All you have is flippers.
Dolphin: I'll hug it with my mouth!
GM: Make an attack role.
Dolphin: <rolls dice> Natural twenty.  Oops.
GM: Here's a card for the critical.
Dolphin: It says 'Mangled fin."
Octopus: There's a card for that?
GM: I picked up a special critical deck for cetaceans after what happened last time.
Octopus: Good call.
Dolphin: <rolls dice> Oh god, max damage as well.
GM: The pilot whale makes its roll versus stranding. <rolls dice> Failed.
Dolphin: Hey, Octopus, you've got the "Walking" feat!  You can go and bring it back, right?
Octopus: Have you seen my strenth stat?  That thing's bigger than you!
Dolphin: I've killed it, haven't I?
GM: Make a luck roll.
Dolphin: <rolls dice> Seventy-three.
GM: <consults table> OK, the pilot whale is found by humans.
Dolphin: Hooray!
GM: Who mercy kill it.
Dolphin: <cries>

Dolphins suspected in whale attack off Skye - BBC News

Dolphin and Octopus: Photography

Back in the days of Google+ I used to write up news stories involving certain sea creatures as if they were playing an RPG.  I'm digging them out of the archive for a second outing.

GM: It's time to level up.
Dolphin: Hey, what are you putting your new skills points in?
Octopus: Photography.
Dolphin: You what?
Octopus: Photography.  I'm going to be a photographer.
GM: Are you sure that's a good idea?
Octopus: You remember that time I stole a video camera?
Dolphin: Yes, how did you make a 35 grapple check?
Octopus: Bonus per tentacle.
Dolphin: Oh yeah.
Octopus: Anyway, you remember how I tried to take a video of the diver, and the GM said that I got all my tentacles in front of the lens because I don't have any points in photography?
Dolphin: Yeah?
Octopus: Never again!

Octopus steals camera, then snaps photos of the photographer

Watch An Adorable Octopus Photographer In Action

Dolphin and Octopus: Knowledge: Nature

Back in the days of Google+ I used to write up news stories involving certain sea creatures as if they were playing an RPG.  I'm digging them out of the archive for a second outing.  May include harm to animals.
 

GM: You see an orca approaching.
Octopus: I make a knowledge: nature check.  <rolls dice>  OK, orcas are a kind of dolphin...
Dolphin: It's a dolphin?  I'm gonna make friends!
Octopus: Erm, hold on a minute.
Dolphin: This is gonna be awesome!
Octopus: That thing is two size categories bigger than you!  And there's also the other name...
Dolphin: I roll diplomacy.
GM: OK.
Dolphin: Did it work?
GM: The orca makes its attack role.
Dolphin: You what?
GM: And it applies its knockback attack feat.
Dolphin: What's going on?
Octopus: If you'd waited a moment I would have told you that thing's other name is Killer Whale.
GM: Take damage from the attack and falling damage from when you hit the sea again.
Dolphin: I hate you all.

Airborne orca catapults dolphin during hunt.
Get the story behind this pic #BigBlueLive @ 8pm PT/ET @MBayWhaleWatch pic.twitter.com/zTzdvrjJl1

— BBC Earth (@BBCEarth) September 2, 2015

Dolphin and Octopus: Charisma

Back in the days of Google+ I used to write up news stories involving certain sea creatures as if they were playing an RPG.  I'm digging them out of the archive for a second outing.  May include harm to animals.

Octopus: I swim out of the way of the boat.
Dolphin: I'm going to try to leap dramatically over the boat.  <rolls dice>  Well, crap.  Natural one.
GM: OK, so you make your dramatic leap and land... <rolls dice> In the boat.  Make attack rolls to see if you hit any of the passengers.
Dolphin: <rolls dice> So that's a miss, two regular hits and a critical.
GM: Roll your damage.  Here's a card for the critical.
Dolphin: <rolls dice> Minimum damage with the first hit, average on the second and the card says 'hobbled'.
GM: right, so you leap into the boat, knocking over the man, punching the girl in the face, and landing on the woman, breaking both her ankles.  <rolls dice>  And you take falling damage as you land.  And you're stuck in the boat, so you're going to take environmental damage for each round you're out of the water.
Dolphin: Well, crap.  Can I make a diplomacy check to convince them to keep me alive long enough to get me out of the boat?
Octopus: After punching one of them in the face and breaking another one's ankles?
GM: Sure, why not?
Dolphin: <rolls dice> Booyah!  Once again the bonus to charisma rolls versus humans pays off.
Octopus: <facetentacle>

Dolphin leaps into boat, injuring woman in California - BBC News