Backstreet Magpies, part 3: Everybody

Sadly I missed episodes 5 and 6 due to larp.  We've now regained our fifth player, and things resume at a dramatic moment...

EPISODE 7

Interior: the basement of the leaky bucket. In the next room a MAGISTRATE is tied up. GUNNER is quite keen to get rid of him but the basement is already haunted by one ghost and nobody wants to make that problem any worse.

PSYCHO THERAPIST: Shut up, Clav!

PSYCHO THERAPIST and SWITCH are reminiscing about their university days and how it was totally unfair that they got thrown out. It's the start of a new term - a perfect time to steal tuition fees and blow stuff up. They could use some help getting in there though, and turn to the newly arrived gang member, PACT.

Interior: the grand hall at the university. The fresher's ball is in progress.

PACT attempts to schmooze with the vice-chancellor to get access to the area where the money is kept. It turns out the time he's spent talking to his architect friend has paid off, as he discusses architecture and the benefits of university renovations with an eloquence not often observed amongst members of the Backstreet Magpies.

Interior: the chancellor's office. PACT has managed to convince the vice-chancellor that SWITCH and GUNNER should join him. The camera lingers for a while on a door with a most complicated looking lock mechanism.

PACT makes conversation for a while, but rapidly gets tired, picks up the bottle of wine on the table and takes a swig, unexpectedly revealing the concealed gun he carries as well. There is a moment of dramatic silence as the background music shuts off. And then begins again as SWITCH pulls out a phial of glittering blue powder and blows it into the chancellor's face and GUNNER draws his own guns to aim at the vice-chancellor.

Interior: the grand hall. The commotion in the office has attracted attention from the porters. PSYCHO THERAPIST and THE NARRATOR move to intercept. It goes...poorly. One porter is disabled, but the other is not and PSYCHO THERAPIST has now hit himself in the crotch with his blackjack.

Interior: the office. PACT has convinced everyone that he is the 'gentleman thief' that people are looking for. The chancellor is happily disabled by SWITCH's trance powder. GUNNER holds the porter and vice chancellor at gunpoint while SWITCH works on the lock. It's a complicated mechanism, with traps and catches, but SWITCH takes her time and opens it without incident. Except for another interruption, this time by a maid, and the arrival of THE NARRATOR and PSYCHO THERAPIST. The office is getting quite crowded.

Through the door is a staircase leading down. Those not engaged in gun based intimidation head down to find the safe. SWITCH gets to work again, and soon has the lock open. There is some disappointment that the safe itself is too heavy to lift. They load up with the tuition fees and make their escape.

Interior: the Leaky Bucket basement. They've made a decent amount of money on the score, even if ultimately they weren't able to cause much architectural damage at the university, but recent actions have caught up with them, and by the end they're in much the same condition as they were before. PSYCHO THERAPIST has not yet recovered from the beating he took from the bluecoats, and has picked up some additional injuries along the way, including the earlier crotch injury and an ankle wound from where it was bitten by a prostitute.

SWITCH: You should get some better prostitutes.

SWITCH applies some dubious medical tinkering to PSYCHO THERAPIST, after which he feels a lot better. GUNNER pays a visit to his orphans, then with the help of THE NARRATOR and SWITCH finds an old factory that will serve as a new base for the Backstreet Magpies, the landlord having finally decided that having the gang in his basement is more trouble than it's worth.

EPISODE 8

Interior: the basement. The gang are looking for a quick score. They've discovered a secret local gang, the Church of Ecstasy. PSYCHO THERAPIST is offended that he hasn't been invited to join. He calls his demon girlfriend for directions.

Interior: the sewers. The team make their way to a particularly well scrubbed section of sewer where they find the temple, containing a bed/altar with some dubious, yet familiar stains. They've been lucky with their timing; nobody is home.

GUNNER and SWITCH search for anything sellable, avoiding going near the bed or the small demon statues around it. PSYCHO THERAPIST finds the communion wine he was looking for, and opens one bottle to take a drink. It's fairly potent stuff.

Footsteps are heard down the tunnels. It's time for a hasty departure. GUNNER lays down covering fire. SWITCH throws a smoke bomb, but unfortunately this is a particularly well ventilated bit of sewer and the smoke rapidly starts clearing.

THE NARRATOR takes the lead, dragging the spaced out PSYCHO THERAPIST with him. He finds an exit through the tunnels that avoids the pursuing figures, if not a large amount of sewage. GUNNER and SWITCH follow. PACT decides sewage is for suckers, and goes in search of a different exit.

Once cleaned up again, THE NARRATOR goes to visit his favourite prostitutes with some new novels for them to read to him. SWITCH practices moving silently, in the hope of not causing THE NARRATOR quite so much stress in the future.

They've made some cash off the communion wine and other bits stolen from the temple, but when the bluecoats show up on the doorstep, demanding to arrest one of them, they're forced to pay a hefty bribe to get them to go away. The money situation is not going well.

And here, alas, we leave the Backstreet Magpies.  I like to think they eventually got the one big score that allowed them all to retire, but given the setting...probably not.

Backstreet Magpies, part 2: Backstreet's Back

 EPISODE 3

Interior: a private booth at the Leaky Bucket. GUNNER, THE NARRATOR and SWITCH are planning their next move. PSYCHO THERAPIST is absent.

GUNNER: We should hit the Red Sash again! Show them we mean business!

SWITCH: How about we don't kick off a gang war just yet?

Switch is keen to engage in some espionage, but ultimately the plan is not quite the daring raid she was envisioning, but a slower, more carefully thought out plan involving prolonged observation and study. Not being good at that kind of thing she make another suggestion.

Exterior: the roof of the Lamp Blacks' warehouse. Switch is attempting to open a skylight, but it turns out to be connected to a series of alarm bells. Getting it open without alerting anyone is not going to be easy.

SWITCH: Whoops.

Bells ring, and the crew run. They can stay out of sight - providing they can convince the guards that it was a false alarm.

GUNNER: I'll leave my flying cat by the skylight as a distraction.

The flying cat is very obviously a hawk. THE NARRATOR and SWITCH don't argue. It's obvious it's not the first time this has come up.

With the guards pacified, THE NARRATOR leads the other two in making their way silently into the building. SWITCH has not got any stealthier since Episode 1, and THE NARRATOR is visibly stressed from the effort of keeping her quiet.

Interior: the mezzanine. This floor is full of offices, and is extravagantly lit. There are still a lot of people around, so SWITCH causes a distraction by knocking over an oil lamp in an unoccupied office to start a small fire.

In the resulting chaos, the crew head downstairs. The main floor of the warehouse doesn't contain anything particularly interesting, unless you're unusually fond of mushrooms. They pass uninterested workers, and make their way through the doors into the second part of the warehouse. Still no sign of what they're looking for, but they do find more offices, one containing a trapdoor and a sleeping guard.

They descend silently through the trapdoor. Now they've hit paydirt. The Lamp Blacks' drug lab is down here, with both processed and unprocessed Bone Dust. There's also an alchemist, busily working.

THE NARRATOR runs round one side of him to get his attention, while SWITCH approaches from the other side and jabs a syringe full of StandStill into his neck. It's a dangerous manoeuvre​, and it's a few moments before the drug takes effect, during which time he's probably noticed that three dodgy types in masks have broken into his lab.

The crew get to work, adulterating the Bone Dust (and removing some of the pure drug so that the same amount of powder is left behind.) Not wanting the Lamp Blacks to guess what they were down there for, they also steal some blood, before making their exit via the sewers.

Interior: The Leaky Bucket. They find out where PSYCHO THERAPIST has been all this time - not on the massive bender they'd all assumed, but getting a kicking from CONSTABLE MYRA from the Bluecoats. Failing to wear a mask on the previous mission has done him no favours. Unfortunately for him, SWITCH is not interested in helping him recover, as after the stress of the score she feels a pressing need to go whoring.

GUNNER and THE NARRATOR, feeling rather more relaxed, instead go to work on the espionage project, following and studying the Lamp Blacks' leadership.

EPISODE 4

Interior: The Leaky Bucket. SWITCH, GUNNER and THE NARRATOR are joined by the landlord, MARDIN GULL. He puts a round of drinks on the table, including a bottle of his finest rum, a substance easily mistaken for drain cleaner but nevertheless appreciated by the Magpies.

He has a problem with another tavern - The Murdered Demon. Apparently they've got a slate roof and well crafted tables and chairs.

SWITCH: Well look at them with their fancy furniture!

This, along with serving decent food and drink and not having a cellar occupied by a gang of thieves, means they're taking a lot of business from the Leaky Bucket. MARDIN hands over a folded paper with instructions not to open it as it's a curse rune. The crew tactfully don't ask anything about where it came from, but agree to take it to the Murdered Demon and hide it, so that it can bring ill fortune to the owners.

Interior: The Murdered Demon. This tavern is indeed a lot nicer than the Leaky Bucket. They resist the urge to steal furniture, and instead formulate a plan to hide the rune in the pantry.

Interior: the pantry. The tavern gets regular food deliveries, and with a little bribery, SWITCH has got herself added to the delivery team. She hides the curse behind some old jars of herbs and spices. She's within moments of being caught, but manages to step away and act inconspicuous just in time.

Interior: The Leaky Bucket. The crew reassembles to share out the coin the landlord paid them, before SWITCH heads out to the brothel again and THE NARRATOR settles down with some more books. GUNNER heads out for a chat with CONSTABLE MYRA to try and reduce the amount of heat the crew have attracted.

The episode ends with the news that JEFF, unimpressed with what happened to STEVE in episode 2, has left the Magpies to join the Billhooks.

Backstreet Magpies, part 1: The Iruvian Job

The same awful people you've previous seen in Noghri Death Squad and Diversity Hires take on Blades In The Dark.  For some reason I decided to write up this campaign as a script for a TV show.  Forget Peaky Blinders and get ready for the Backstreet Magpies.

Cast:
GUNNER, the Hound.  Skovlander, talks slowly and loudly due to accent.
THE NARRATOR, the Cutter.  Talks about himself in the third person as much as possible.
PSYCHO THERAPIST, the Whisper.  Dating some kind of demonic entity.
SWITCH, the Leech. Iruvian, enjoys being mysterious.

EPISODE 1

Exterior: a rooftop. It is dark. Four figures are crouched around a skylight. One speaks in a whisper.

FIGURE: I thought we were supposed to be going in through an unlocked window?

Title card: 6 hours earlier

Interior: part of a warehouse run by the Red Sash. PSYCHO THERAPIST and SWITCH are attending a private art exhibition. The former is looking dapper in tweed and a top hat while the latter wears the traditional mask and robes of an Iruvian.

SWITCH: I think you'll find these are Iruvian dildos. And I very much appreciate the opportunity to admire the historical artifacts of my culture.

PSYCHO THERAPIST is attempting to jam a window catch to enable it to be opened from the outside. Unfortunately he slips. The window remains functional, while the table he was balancing on does not. Guards appear.

PSYCHO THERAPIST: Terribly sorry, I was attempting to smoke heroin out of the window to avoid damaging the artifacts.

Somehow they get away with it.

Back on the rooftop, GUNNER has brought a set of burglary tools, which SWITCH uses to silently open the skylight. They all descend on a rope. THE NARRATOR leads them silently through the warehouse to the special exhibition, a stressful experience for him given that SWITCH is not remotely stealthy and GUNNER isn't much better. A small child is in the exhibition room, presumably as a guard, but not very effectively since they're asleep. The crew load up bags with ancient erotica and make for the exit. The guards have become aware of their presence, but Gunner throws his grappling hook at the skylight and they all climb to freedom.

Later, the crew have fenced the haul but have got word that one of their gang (STEVE) has been doing inappropriate things in public with historical dildos. They are forced to take a hit to their reputation by dealing with him rather than risk the wrath of the Red Sash. THE NARRATOR recovers from the stress of dragging these unstealthy people around by reading some penny dreadfuls.

EPISODE 2

Disappointed by the lack of violence in the dildo heist, THE NARRATOR and GUNNER plan an assault on the armoured coach that carries the money from the Red Sash's gambling dens.

Exterior: a bridge, where GUNNER and THE NARRATOR are waiting for the coach. SWITCH and PSYCHO THERAPIST wait in the shadows nearby. The coach arrives, and THE NARRATOR and GUNNER jump down onto the roof. Guns blazing, they start taking out the guards as the coach comes to a halt. PSYCHO THERAPIST joins the fight. Noticing that the coach is armoured and locked, SWITCH pulls out a grenade.

CHORUS: You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!

SWITCH proceeds with precision accuracy to blow the bloody doors off. THE NARRATOR jumps inside to deal with the guards inside. GUNNER continues shooting from the roof, narrowly avoiding shooting his own feet off. PSYCHO THERAPIST and SWITCH take out the rest of the guards.

The noise they've made has attracted unwanted attention and Red Sash reinforcements are on their way. The strongboxes are heavy - too heavy to carry away, and attempting to flee with the coach isn't exactly stealthy. Fortunately, PSYCHO THERAPIST has a plan.

Title card: 2 hours earlier

PSYCHO THERAPIST is studying the area with a map of the city.

PSYCHO THERAPIST: So the bridge is here and the nearest access to the sewers is here, so if we can stop the coach here...

Fade to: the current time

The sewer grate is hauled up and the strongboxes are dropped down to where STEVE and JEFF wait with a raft to carry them away.

Interior: the basement of the Leaky Bucket that the crew calls home. They divide up the money, reserving enough to pay their tithe to the Crows. They discuss how they're going to recover from this very stressful job. THE NARRATOR has got some new books to read. GUNNER is off to spend some time with the horde of orphans he cares for. PSYCHO THERAPIST is planning some kind of weird ritual. SWITCH thinks they're all mad, and is off the the brothel for some proper stress relief.

Cut to: Upstairs in the pub, where STEVE is boasting about how the crew have taken on the Red Sash twice now and kicked their arses. The crew grab him and drag him outside where he is publicly shot. It's another hit to their reputation, but at least the Red Sash are mollified - for now.