RPGaDay: Dramatic

I love drama in RPGs.  My two favourite LARPs are the really immersive ones where my characters are feeling everything so I have to feel it along with them.  I remember last October when such events were still possible, and my character got the dual whammy of being responsible for the intense pain another character was in, while simultaneously having the revelation that she was also responsible for the terrible thing that had happened to him in the past.  This brought on a sudden flood of tears, and later on some counselling from another character to reassure her that she wasn't the same person who did those terrible things and could choose a better way now.  It's my strongest memory in an already memorable game (which is ironically one where all the player characters are amnesiacs.)

However, while I can cry on cue at a sufficiently dramatic LARP, I find it a lot harder to bring the drama in tabletop RPGs.  I think self-consciousness is a big part of it.  When I'm at a LARP, wearing my costume and carrying my foam and latex weapons, it's like I'm over a hurdle.  The person everyone is looking at is my character, not me.  But in tabletop, that's my face everyone is looking at, and I feel very strange getting all emotional.

For some reason, it's easier when I'm GMing.  My current convention scenario involves several NPCs in high stress situations, and depending on how the PCs push them there's the potential for some major dramatic outbursts.  Why I feel more comfortable roleplaying these NPCs than my own characters, I'm not sure.  Maybe it's because they're specifically there for the players' entertainment?

A lot of this RPGaDay stuff has been giving me food for thought on the subject of GMing.  This time it's given me something to think about regarding upping my game as a player.  If I can do it at LARP and I can do it as a GM, there's no reason I shouldn't get better at it as a player.