The Path to Eden, episode 4: The Hobbit

"Something a bit different today," Chronicler Venno told the assembled crowd.  "And it all begins with an argument."

"Boss Johamed was worried about the number of us in the Ark, and whether there were enough of us to do all the work he wanted done.  So he wanted to build a slave market.  But a lot of the people didn't like that idea.  After all, we'd been working on two other projects, the croplands and the temple, and the Seven Sisters had rewarded us by sending us the elf to replace Rodney."  The audience nodded approvingly.

"So it was decided that we would not build the slave market, and Boss Jarilla had another idea.  If we built a sundial we would be able to tell what time it was, so we could keep track of how long people had been working and manage the projects much better.  Some people weren't sure, because we can't see the sun underground, but Jarilla said that we could put it outside, and someone could be in charge of looking after it and telling everyone what the time is.

That seemed like an excellent idea, and it was agreed that the sundial would be the next project."

Venno noticed some fidgeting and whispering in the crowd, and snapped his fingers to silence them again.  "But you wanted to hear a tale. And this is a tale about...inside!"  The fidgeting ceased, while puzzled, but not uninterested faces looked back at him.

"It began one night when Katin was awoken by the clanging of someone knocking on the door to her den.  It was one of Briktoria's grunts, a friend of Eriel, and the news that Eriel needed help had Katin on her feet in a moment.

Katin found Eriel in the bathrooms, being very unwell, and after holding her hair for her, as is tradition, asked her what was going on.  Eriel told her that she'd been ill every morning for several days now.  There seemed to be something up with her stomach as well, and when she held Katin's hand against it, there seemed to be movement.

Katin was quite disturbed, and wondered if Eriel had eaten something that disagreed with her.  Eriel said she'd had some odd cravings.  They'd found some peanut butter and a jar of pickles...  'Is there any left?'  Katin asked immediately.  There was not, but she couldn't be annoyed with Eriel.

One of the other grunts thought Boss Briktoria needed to know about it, but Eriel didn't want her to.  If Briktoria knew she was ill and couldn't work, she'd stop giving Eriel food.  Katin knew she was out of her depth here.  Eriel needed medical help, and she couldn't do it.  But she knew someone who could.

Ren had had a good day.  He'd come up with a way to mess with Sixter, his least favourite person, with a bit of help from Stimpy.  He'd found a bit of loose mesh on Sixter's den, which was enough for Stimpy to wriggle his way inside and do his business.  Ren had been hoping for shoes, but the bed was an adequate substitute, and soon he and Stimpy were away, heading outside to join Katin and Lenny working on the croplands.  Some might say he hadn't achieved much out there, although Katin had appreciated the company.

But Sixter had somehow figured out who was responsible for the mess in his bed, and now he was outside Ren's den with a mouthful of threats and Enforcer Jonats to back them up.  Despite Ren's denials, things quickly escalated past threats to shoot Stimpy, and Jonats was attempting to kick down his door when Katin showed up.  He tried to tell her that she didn't need to get involved and that his door wasn't worth it, but Katin had her own score to settle with Jonats and wasn't going to let him hurt her friend.  She grabbed one of Jonats' arms, Ren grabbed the other, and together they pulled him away.

Once Jonats and Sixter had gone and Stimpy had been petted, Katin told Ren about Eriel's problem.  Ren wasn't sure what was going on, but was confident that with the aid of one of the sacred texts, the Health and Safety manual, he could figure it out.

Zippo was keen to begin work on the sundial project, but remembering the trouble he'd had with Briktoria before, decided to spend some time building the temple instead.  It went badly, to the point that Briktoria ended up throwing the book at him.  The book in question being the Health and Safety Manual, which he was now required to read until he learned to lift heavy objects safely.

Ren explained that Eriel might have some kind of parasite and he was concerned it might burst out of her.  Zippo couldn't remember anything like that in the Health and Safety manual, and wondered if the Ministry of Food book might also be useful if it was food poisoning, but suggested the next step should be to examine Eriel.

Zippo donned a monocle and picked up the Health and Safety Manual, and the three of them went to find Lenny, who would be needed to carry Eriel.  He was sleeping in his usual place in Boss Marlotte's outer office.  He wasn't impressed about being woken up, but on seeing Katin changed his mind and joined the group going to help Eriel.

After some medical prodding from Ren and Zippo, while Lenny consulted the book and Katin held Eriel's hand and assured her the others knew what they were doing, a conclusion was reached.  Eriel was 'pregant'.  Or possibly 'pregnut'.

The book had some useful information about 'pregant women', including that they should be handled carefully and shouldn't lift heavy objects.  It didn't say anything about a cure though.  However, Zippo and Katin remembered seeing 'pregant women' at the water plant, along with the hobbits.  Katin was concerned that this meant Eriel was going to turn into a hobbit.

The only way they were going to make sense of this was to take Eriel to the Dawn Vault and ask the Chroniclers for advice.  Eriel insisted she could walk, but Lenny insisted that she had to be carried.  Using proper lifting technique, of course.

Up at the Dawn Vault, Chronicler Puzzle Paul was finally able to supply some answers.  Eriel was pregnant, and was going to have a child, not turn into a hobbit, a confusing concept for the group.  A blessing from the elf, no doubt.  Zippo thought it might be something to do with the water, since there had been pregnant women at the water plant and it had happened since they had visited.

Puzzle Paul consulted a text from the Lost Prophecy box and announced it would take 280 days for the new hobbit to arrive.  He also said that an egg was involved, which again pointed to the water plant where they'd found a large bird.

Briktoria arrived at the Dawn Vault the next morning, and was stunned with the news of the blessing of a new hobbit.  She insisted that the temple needed to be finished urgently so Eriel could rest there.   She was reminded that it was very important that the croplands were finished with a hobbit on the way, as they were known to eat a lot.  And of course the sundial project was even more important now, to make sure everyone was doing the proper amount of work to get the croplands finished.  But after that, she was reassured, the temple would be the highest priority.

Briktoria felt that when the hobbit arrived, it would belong to the church.  There was a brief existential discussion on what comprised a hobbit, and some distress from Eriel, and finally the Elder was consulted.  Word came back that Eriel was having a child, not a hobbit, as a result of her getting a bit friendly with one of the zone ghouls at the water plant. The Elder's instructions were clear.  They needed to find a 'hospital', to get supplies, and maybe a 'library' which would contain a lot of knowledge.

Briktoria went out to spread the good news, while the group made plans.  Find a hospital.  But before that, find out what a hospital is."